Tell me all of the things that you couldn’t before
Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes
They say love is pain, well darling, let’s hurt tonight.
Has been almost a week and I still didn’t hear anything from him. I didn’t write him either cause I thought I had to wait and see. And what I’m seeing is not what I was hoping for.
I wanted to tell him, or at least let him read it. Show him this blog and a letter I wrote. But is it worth it? I’m broken already, he just gonna walk over me.
I hate myself, my thoughts, my fucking idea of him. Nothing is like I lived it. Nothing.
And I feel so empty right now.
So, as you should have get by now, all my posts title are songs. “A wonderful Nightmare” is actually an Italian song.
How can a nightmare be wonderful? How can you feel comfortable being with someone that will hurt you so much? How can you be happy when everything is uncertain?
I’ve spend the last four days with my boyfriend house shopping. No. I wasn’t happy or excited, we are so different. I want a house with personality, with wooden floors and high ceilings, a big kitchen and living room together. I want plain wooden forniture, sheep rugs and green plants. Like in proper hygge style. He wants black and shiny in a new building.
I didn’t have good time, haven’t seen him for like 6 weeks I expected him to be happy to see me, but I think he is getting used to the idea of being alone. Didn’t really feel he needed me to be there.
Well, now I’m on my way home. You know when you read in a book about the girl falling for a guy and pretty much the description is usually the same “really tall, big shoulders, dark hair and a really sexy square jawline”. I do get what they mean now. I don’t know what was his aftershave but it was sweet with vanilla notes.
I haven’t spoke with the other one in days and I honestly don’t know what to do. I am invisible. I miss him. I miss the funny side of him, the one that made feel happy. I miss him biting his lips while having sex in the same way he does when he is playing. His smile, his laugh, the way he looks at me asking to go say hi to his little friend. The way my body reacts to his touch is crazy, it never happen to me to anyone before. The only thing I want to do is pleasing him, I just want to win. Leave him there with jelly legs, cause we fuck the shit out of each other. Feeling his heart beating so fast, that peaceful expression on his face. I’m only scared this won’t happen again. I would literally sell my soul to the devil to have him.