The Dreamer 

I know what you did last summer. Throw back to one of the best nights of my life


I’ve been waiting to meet him for 6 endless months. I was dreaming his face, his deep brown eyes, his perfect teeth. I just missed him so much.
I stop eating on Thursday, my stomach was on strike and nothing could have make it work. I was counting the seconds till I would have meet him.
I had a couple of drinks with the rest of his friends, my heart was beating so hard I was worried other people could have heard it.
I just felt his presenze behind me, he press his lips on my cheeck and my body got rock hard. I needed him. I wanted to feel his lips, his hands all over my body. I wanted him inside me, I wanted to feel him as soon as possible.
The crew left to go to the restaurant and he asked me to join him to pick up another friend and then meet up with the rest. Neither of us were talking, but as soon as he started the car we started kissing. His lips were so soft, but he was carving for me. He was passionate, his tongue in my mouth. I just couldn’t wait but unfortunately we were part of a group. 
We were sitting beside and I couldn’t keep my hands away from his thigh. I loved teasing him in public, that feeling of not being discovered is priceless. We were nothing official, we both have partners that are not in our hometown. 
Time couldn’t pass slower, I was going crazy. After 2 long hours we managed to leave. Pretending to say bye and then meeting outside mine. 
He drove for a couple of minutes until we reached a beach. Took a big towel out of the car and show me down by the lake. It was midnight, you could see the lights on the other coast, the star shining above us and could hear the noise of the waves. But nothing was as gorgeous as himself. 
We started kissing, I could feel he needed me too. A little rough beard touching my skin, keep kissing me down my neck and pulling down part of my dress then taking care of my breasts, licking and sucking my nipples. He didn’t even reach down there and I was ready anyway, but he wasn’t. He loved being generous. He pulled up the skirt and down the panties and started licking, kissing and biting me. I’m always too excited to reach the big ‘O’ cause the only thing I care his making him feel like that’s the best sex he could get and that his girlfriend is not enough. 
I take off his shirt and start biting and kissing his neck, he started moan. Licking his left nipple, I start undo his zip. I slowly start touch his erection, while he pushes it closer to me. 
I start kissing it, using my tongue up and down, wetting it more and more. I know what he likes and start sucking his balls and going even more far down. My only goal was to drive him insane and he knew it. 
I got on top and started riding him, I could see his face, kiss him and bite him. You know you are in trouble when you look at him and think you have and will never see anything more beautiful. 
He took me from behind, slapping my ass and holding my neck, coming closer and keep kissing me. Making me feel that he needed me too. 
One hour after I can hear his breath changing, getting faster. Holding my head down thight, while he cummed in my mouth. 
“Dear God, I feel dizzy. I got visions.” he said. 
I rolled over on the side with my breast still out and the dressed rolled up. “You look like a paint.” My heart lost a beat. I wish I didn’t love him, that I was the one that he introduced home, that walk about holding hands. 
He dropped me at mine and kiss me good night, with the promise of repeating it the following night. 
B.
Ps: unfortunately we got carried away a little too much, he ended up with some scratches and marks on his chests that he didn’t appreciate. Not speaking with me in two days. 
Pps: I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear on my dog that I love to bits. 

Dive 

If sex was something sweet for me would totally be a Sacher Torte, but not just a basic one, the one with an extra layer of chocolate ganache. That smooth bittersweet taste and then the fresh sourness of the apricot jam. Heaven. Absolute heaven. 

So on Friday I was left with him meeting his ex and me feeling even more extra confused. I was really hoping that would have been the end of everything, in a way or another, but karma is a bitch so few hours later he text me to say that she was too tired so ditched him. Again I had mixed feelings. I just told him to please come home (and I mean the hometown as he lives away). I kinda of kept him company till he got back.  

The following day I just really wanted to see him, to see his face, even to get a meaningless hug just to feel something again, but I had plans and the timings were not matching. Anyway we left it with a “we meet at the usual place”. 

It took me two hours to get ready, girls know what I mean with two hours. I was on point, ready for anything that could have happened. I’m not a big make up user but I done my best and I honestly felt pretty. But of course wasn’t enough. 

I got at the bar with my girls and we started having a drink, we were meant to go elsewhere but I just needed to see him. I just wanted him to look at me and think I looked good. We were ready to go and he still wasn’t there. I begged my friends to wait another minute. They hate him. They did in the past, then they thought he was kind of ok, but now we are back to “He is just a cunt not worth anything” and I can never answer to that. So someone joked with “Are we waiting again for the coming of the Messiah?”. Funny enough he appeared at the door. I was probably bright pink, all I wanted to was a “Hello how’s it going?”but no. He passed by, saying a general hello and without even looking at me in the face. It felt like a slap on my cheek. Got a beer with his friend and left to go outside. My best friend just looked at me and said “That’s what I just wanted to avoid”. My expression changed. So we left, I took the back door cause I didn’t want to even look at him or feel even more pathetic.

After an hour I just text him why he can send me messages to tell me he meets his ex but he can’t even look at me. His answer came soon enough saying he did say hi. I didn’t text him back. An hour later he text me he felt sorry about it and that he even looked at me. Lies. All lies. I said something like “Fine, sorry”. 

The night was going, I wasn’t there with my head. Had a few glasses of wine and asked him to meet up the following day. 

I was up early, went for a walk, breakfast with my friends and then back home. He text me around 12 that he just woke up and didn’t know if he would have manage to catch up. I said not to worry cause I didn’t feel I wanted to look at him in the eyes again. Well he asked me a few questions like when I was having lunch and where, then pretty much what I understood was that he would have pass by my family’s place to get the train ticket and that’s where I was for lunch. I put a lace bodysuit under a see through top, back trousers and boots. I wanted him to see that bodysuit and remember what he did to me in it. 

Banging on 14,22 he passed in front of the restaurant glass door going towards the bar area. He could have not seen me but I did. The train was at 14,45 so I was pretty confident he would have looked for me or msg me. Minutes were passing by, I was just staring at my phone. And.. nothing happened. And I feel broken and stupid again. 

B. 

Medicine 

He has just been texting me to tell me he is meeting her tomorrow after begging for it. I really don’t know what my reaction should be. 

I started crying and laughing together. I’m officially in the friend zone. He hasn’t been shagging me since Christmas. Over two months. It’s all over and I became his BFF now. My head hurts. 

I really need some good sex. I really want someone that takes me with passion. Nothing too sick or violent but something that leaves me with a smile for at least three days. 

God. How much I miss his smile. And his kisses. And him banging me. 

B. 

A Wonderful Nightmare

So, as you should have get by now, all my posts title are songs. “A wonderful Nightmare” is actually an Italian song. 

How can a nightmare be wonderful? How can you feel comfortable being with someone that will hurt you so much? How can you be happy when everything is uncertain? 

I’ve spend the last four days with my boyfriend house shopping. No. I wasn’t happy or excited, we are so different. I want a house with personality, with wooden floors and high ceilings, a big kitchen and living room together. I want plain wooden forniture, sheep rugs and green plants. Like in proper hygge style. He wants black and shiny in a new building. 

I didn’t have good time, haven’t seen him for like 6 weeks I expected him to be happy to see me, but I think he is getting used to the idea of being alone. Didn’t really feel he needed me to be there. 

Well, now I’m on my way home. You know when you read in a book about the girl falling for a guy and pretty much the description is usually the same “really tall, big shoulders, dark hair and a really sexy square jawline”. I do get what they mean now. I don’t know what was his aftershave but  it was sweet with vanilla notes. 

I haven’t spoke with the other one in days and I honestly don’t know what to do. I am invisible. I miss him. I miss the funny side of him, the one that made feel happy. I miss him biting his lips while having sex in the same way he does when he is playing. His smile, his laugh, the way he looks at me asking to go say hi to his little friend. The way my body reacts to his touch is crazy, it never happen to me to anyone before. The only thing I want to do is pleasing him, I just want to win. Leave him there with jelly legs, cause we fuck the shit out of each other. Feeling his heart beating so fast, that peaceful expression on his face. I’m only scared this won’t happen again. I would literally sell my soul to the devil to have him. 

B. 

Learning to Fly 

Strange places are trains. I look at my reflection on the window and listen to other people’s lives: there is teenagers doing their homeworks, a old lady playing with her phone and a couple talking of how much they didn’t like Paris.

I never been to Paris and is so on my list. I want to go to as many places as I can. 

Going to the airport, to go visit my boyfriend. Not sure of what I am doing with my life. I would like just to be able to escape e start a new life on the coast of Spain, doing BBQ and dancing on the beach.  He wants to buy a house and start a family. Am I ready for that? No. Do I really want that? Probably not. But sometimes take hard decision is to difficult to do. 

I’m an hypocrite. I know. And I’m not even sorry.  

B. 

My not-so-perfect life

Damn you Sophie Kinsella. Damn your book, damn the dreams, the hope, the love story, the perfection and the laughing. Damn me for falling for it every time and buying it, but all I needed was 24h with pink goggles. And only you know how to put them on my face. 
For the first time, I didn’t feel the need to read the last few pages before starting. I knew it would have been all good. 

Why can’t life be so good? When is my happy ending coming? 

Walk away. 

Has passed over a month before he decided to open up and tell me all the things that were happening in his life. I’ve been messaging him just trying to support him, not to often because I’m too scared to lose him. 

February 5th, around midday. He finally decided to come to mine for a cup of coffee, after I told him that I really cared about him and was too difficult to me helping him like that. It was awkward at first and then he started. They kind of broke up for a few weeks, then everything was fine but she confessed she had an affair while they were apart. Well. No. I was not happy. I should have been jumping but how can you be happy seeing his face so sad? We kept talking and he said something really hurtful “She cheated mentally, while I cheat physically”. And I wanted to scream “No. No. No. No. NO. Why do you say this to me? Why if you are broken you need to break me too? Why you needed so much to speak with me before then? Why you kept saying to move where you lived? Why you kept saying sleep at mine? Why you made me feel needed and special? Why you kissed me like there was no tomorrow?” but I didn’t. I just looked at him and me, like if I was outside my body and all that was happening was just a bad dream. He told me my silence was killing him. His words destroyed me.

B.