Let’s Hurt Tonight 


Tell me all of the things that you couldn’t before

Don’t walk away, don’t roll your eyes

They say love is pain, well darling, let’s hurt tonight. 


Has been almost a week and I still didn’t hear anything from him. I didn’t write him either cause I thought I had to wait and see. And what I’m seeing is not what I was hoping for. 

I wanted to tell him, or at least let him read it. Show him this blog and a letter I wrote. But is it worth it? I’m broken already, he just gonna walk over me. 

I hate myself, my thoughts, my fucking idea of him. Nothing is like I lived it. Nothing. 

And I feel so empty right now. 

B. 

So pick me. Choose me. Love me. 


I’ve got this quote stuck in my head. I just want to stop thinking of him. It’s so painful. 

I met him for a coffee on Saturday. I never felt so nervous sitting at the same table. We started chit chatting of normal stuff then he said to me that he met his ex and while they were speaking he told her what I said to him (why someone cheat), but I never told him that I cheated because was with him. Only him. I would have not done it even with Bradley Cooper. And then he said to her that I was mad cause she had him that way and didn’t understand anything of him. Those were my actual words. And he didn’t understand them. He didn’t get that all I meant. How much I care about him, what I would have done if I was so lucky to be with him. But no. I think he thought that I said that just to make him feel better. How did she not get that either? 

I don’t know if laugh or cry. 

B. 

The Dreamer 

I know what you did last summer. Throw back to one of the best nights of my life


I’ve been waiting to meet him for 6 endless months. I was dreaming his face, his deep brown eyes, his perfect teeth. I just missed him so much.
I stop eating on Thursday, my stomach was on strike and nothing could have make it work. I was counting the seconds till I would have meet him.
I had a couple of drinks with the rest of his friends, my heart was beating so hard I was worried other people could have hear it.
I just felt his presenve behind me, he press his lips on my cheeck and my body got rock hard. I needed him. I wanted to feel his lips, his hands all over my body. I wanted him inside me, I wanted to feel him as soon as possible.
The crew left to go to the restaurant and he asked me to join him to pick up another friend and then meet up with the rest. Neither of us were talking, but as soon as he started the car we started kissing. His lips were so soft, but he was carving for me. He was passionate, his tongue in my mouth. I just couldn’t wait but unfortunately we were part of a group. 
We were sitting beside and I couldn’t keep my hands away from his thigh. I loved teasing him in public, that feeling of not being discovered is priceless. We were nothing official, we both have partners that are not in our hometown. 
Time couldn’t pass slower, I was going crazy. After 2 long hours we managed to leave. Pretending to say bye and then meeting outside mine. 
He drove for a couple of minutes until we reached a beach. Took a big towel out of the car and show me down by the lake. It was midnight, you could see the lights on the other coast, the star shining above us and could hear the noise of the waves. But nothing was as gorgeous as himself. 
We started kissing, I could feel he needed me too. A little rough beard touching my skin, keep kissing me down my neck and pulling down part of my dress then taking care of my breasts, licking and sucking my nipples. He didn’t even reach down there and I was ready anyway, but he wasn’t. He loved being generous. He pulled up the skirt and down the panties and started licking, kissing and biting me. I’m always too excited to reach the big ‘O’ cause the only thing I care his making him feel like that’s the best sex he could get and that his girlfriend is not enough. 
I take off his shirt and start biting and kissing his neck, he started moan. Licking his left nipple, I start undo his zip. I slowly start touch his erection, while he pushes it closer to me. 
I start kissing it, using my tongue up and down, wetting it more and more. I know what he likes and start sucking his balls and going even more far down. My only goal was to drive him insane and he knew it. 
I got on top and started riding him, I could see his face, kiss him and bite him. You know you are in trouble when you look at him and think you have and will never see anything more beautiful. 
He took me from behind, slapping my ass and holding my neck, coming closer and keep kissing me. Making me feel that he needed me too. 
One hour after I can hear his breath changing, getting faster. Holding my head down thight, while he cummed in my mouth. 
“Dear God, I feel dizzy. I got visions.” he said. 
I rolled over on the side with my breast still out and the dressed rolled up. “You look like a paint.” My heart lost a beat. I wish I didn’t love him, that I was the one that he introduced home, that walk about holding hands. 
He dropped me at mine and kiss me good night, with the promise of repeating it the following night. 
B.
Ps: unfortunately we got carried away a little too much, he ended up with some scratches and marks on his chests that he didn’t appreciate. Not speaking with me in two days. 
Pps: I didn’t do it on purpose. I swear on my dog that I love to bits. 

Medicine 

He has just been texting me to tell me he is meeting her tomorrow after begging for it. I really don’t know what my reaction should be. 

I started crying and laughing together. I’m officially in the friend zone. He hasn’t been shagging me since Christmas. Over two months. It’s all over and I became his BFF now. My head hurts. 

I really need some good sex. I really want someone that takes me with passion. Nothing too sick or violent but something that leaves me with a smile for at least three days. 

God. How much I miss his smile. And his kisses. And him banging me. 

B. 

A Wonderful Nightmare

So, as you should have get by now, all my posts title are songs. “A wonderful Nightmare” is actually an Italian song. 

How can a nightmare be wonderful? How can you feel comfortable being with someone that will hurt you so much? How can you be happy when everything is uncertain? 

I’ve spend the last four days with my boyfriend house shopping. No. I wasn’t happy or excited, we are so different. I want a house with personality, with wooden floors and high ceilings, a big kitchen and living room together. I want plain wooden forniture, sheep rugs and green plants. Like in proper hygge style. He wants black and shiny in a new building. 

I didn’t have good time, haven’t seen him for like 6 weeks I expected him to be happy to see me, but I think he is getting used to the idea of being alone. Didn’t really feel he needed me to be there. 

Well, now I’m on my way home. You know when you read in a book about the girl falling for a guy and pretty much the description is usually the same “really tall, big shoulders, dark hair and a really sexy square jawline”. I do get what they mean now. I don’t know what was his aftershave but  it was sweet with vanilla notes. 

I haven’t spoke with the other one in days and I honestly don’t know what to do. I am invisible. I miss him. I miss the funny side of him, the one that made feel happy. I miss him biting his lips while having sex in the same way he does when he is playing. His smile, his laugh, the way he looks at me asking to go say hi to his little friend. The way my body reacts to his touch is crazy, it never happen to me to anyone before. The only thing I want to do is pleasing him, I just want to win. Leave him there with jelly legs, cause we fuck the shit out of each other. Feeling his heart beating so fast, that peaceful expression on his face. I’m only scared this won’t happen again. I would literally sell my soul to the devil to have him. 

B. 

Troublemaker 

I always been on the run and always for the same lame reason: love.


My first crush was Lenny, I was 12 and taller than him. Was the years when teenagers were getting their first Nokia 3310 and I was texting him hoping for an answer, I gave him my diary to get him to write something nice on it, instead he throw it from the school bus. What a douche. 
Then my first kiss was Sandy, he was so tall and handsome. I don’t even remember his voice that short our relationship was. 

One morning I was going to Barcelona and on the plane I met him, Harry. He was definitely my first love. I was almost 16 and he was just 13, strange thing for a girl, but you should have seen him. Big blue eyes and blond hair, full lips and he was taller than me and so mature. It was the wrong time and the wrong place. We kissed once, two years after we met, we were not just meant to be. 

Frankie conquered me with his humour. He was just hilarious, I was 18 and he was 26. I always being a crazy one, he told me he was moving to another country and I apply for a visa to go with him. By the time the visa arrived he already had enough of me but I still decided to go on the opposite side of the country he was going. Had the best time of my life. 

But the one that made crumbs out of my heart was Matthew. One night a friend of a friend asked me to work at his place ad someone phoned in sick. I accepted and went for it. I was sitting on a chair outside and here we go, big brown eyes and slightly long hair. I never felt that way with anyone else, when I think of him I still shiver. It was the best and the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I love the funny side of him and the special bond we have. I can spend months or a year without seeing him, but when we sit down in front of a glass of bubbles, it all comes back. The happiness and the pain. And confuse the shit out of me.  

Romeo & Julieta

 
You know when you just had a long day and your head is full of thoughts? That’s how I feel tonight. Bella is on the run cause she is looking for a new life. I light my R&J e the sweet mallow flavour fills my mouth, the thick white smoke surrounds me. I just love it and I fell much more relax straight away. 

Here I am, 16, sitting a La Bodeguita del Medio enjoying my first mojito with my parents. We just experience a Hurricane while staying in Varadero but nothing can’t stop us, we travelled thousands of miles to explore, definitely not “a little bit of wind”.  The notes of Che Guevara are all around and the old lady is outside smoking a big Churchill, she is one of the symbol of the city. I just love it. 

I decided to go back a couple of months ago, just after the Embargo ended and it was a shock.  Nothing is the same anymore, just the music, the butterflied lobster, the rum & my cigars. 

#romeoyjulieta #cubano #cigar #happiness