Us

So tell me how to be in this world
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt
Tell me how ’cause I believe in something
I believe in us

I thought there was something. I liked you, I just wanted to know you better and see. Well I hoped you wanted to know me better too, but it’s unbelievable how always wrong I am.

I liked your sense of humour and how sarcastic you are, you are so charismatic is mesmerising. I felt home with you as I haven’t felt in so long time. I liked to tickle your face because was just so beautiful I needed to have a good memory of it.

I was really hoping it wouldn’t have ended after I was back home and I mean even those daily 5 minutes of messages, but they started been less and less and I’ve been trying to see you but with no results. Guess it’s really self explanatory, but I don’t want to follow a ghost. I need someone that likes me as I am. I just wish I was wrong. I’ll really really really miss you.

B.

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Love is a losing game

Love is a losing game,

One I wished, I never played..

Well guys, as expected I got a big fat fucking no. Also that the idea was crazy just for a few hours.

If someone I liked would have said to me I take a plane just to see you for lunch, I would have thought was a nice gesture. So the conclusion here is that he doesn’t like me.

I’m really sad and disappointed. This is just an appeal to all the people out there: if you don’t care don’t make someone feel special. There is no need for Michelin stars meals, homemade breakfast, walks by the river and in the park, lots of sex with cuddles afterwards. There is no fucking need. Because you are the fucking crazy ones. Bunch of douchebags. If you don’t care don’t go the extra mile. I’m so tired of life.

B.

Something Stupid

Just a line to you
For me it’s true
And never seemed
So right before

Last week he sent me a picture “In case you forgot how does it look over here”.

I just want to be there. I want to take the first plane and being able to hug him. I would like to wake up tomorrow morning cuddled up on his side.

But as usual things are not meant to go my way ever. Yesterday I asked him to meet up for lunch on the 29th, I really want to see him and I really need to escape from home. Well.. he even hasn’t open my message. He hasn’t text me since Monday. So I guess the message it’s actually loud and clear. I really needed it. My youngest brother has cancer and the other day we found out it speeded in the other leg. It’s scary. It’s worrying. I’m snappy and nervous. I was te thinking about moving and travelling again, but how can I leave my family again? Will he be here next xmas? Who knows.

I feel like I’m throwing my life away. I feel like I’m in stand by. I’m broken and I don’t even know where to start from. Well, actually I thought I had something nice to start from but guess it wasn’t the case. Sometimes I just feel like Charlie Brown.

B.

Real for you

But I can’t shake the feeling off my mind
That you want more, you want more..

Life goes on and has been almost a month since I saw him.

My break away has been amazing. We ate and drink and had sex several times a day. Yes SEVERAL. It was the best time of my life.

He has a beautiful soul, he’s kind and so so so cleaver.

I haven’t been so happy in so long.

I miss him so much.

B.

We are exactly in the same place as we were before.