Hunger

..and for a moment, I forget to worry.

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The weirdest thing happened to me: I slept. A careless deep sleep. The one that you wake up and don’t even remember your name. It was beautiful. It was afternoon, I woke up at 8,30pm, went out. Back to bed and slept until 9 am. Breakfast and then again slept until 12pm. It was unbelievable. I felt new, calm and relaxed.

And this has been happening for almost a month now.

I was driving to work one day and I just had a flashback about my previous life, actually about a guy I met in 2012, when I just moved abroad.

I was working in that place for less than two months, but while I am a disaster with love, I always been pretty good with work. I was almost 23, he was 19 and the owner’ son coming to learn the job. The age gap and the language barrier were not exactly helpful. The fact that I didn’t understood for a few weeks he had a girlfriend wasn’t great either. Actually I felt pretty stupid when my colleague told me. That stupid GM kept making fun of me and spreading rumors. Cow.

But C. and I had a really good connection. He was so smart and fun. We were very different, but I just liked him, maybe because he was the first one that was really nice to me. One day he got me a note, it was nothing special but he wrote something kind of sweet on it, like that to do that job I needed him. When he finished his training he got me a present. It was something so it would be easier for me to talk to my parents cause my computer was going a little crazy. He was just so genuine.

We kept in touch and saw a couple of times for two or three years, but my ex  wasn’t really keen in this friendship, so guess I just let it go.

Well, a moth ago I texted him out of the blue. He came back to my mind and I just wanted to know how he was. We started chatting. It’s just a long message a day, but it’s nice. It’s a long catch up, it’s fun and in some ways makes me feel alive again. I booked a ticket to go visit him but won’t be for another few months. And that scares me a little. What if he finds someone in this time? I don’t want to go there thirdwheeling. I want to go there and see how it goes. I’m worried he won’t like me  phisically or mentally. I’m still worried about the age gap. I’m not really looking for nothing and at the same time I’m scared that if I talk about him out loud he will disappear. It’s a weird feeling.

I still got that note.

B.

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bellaontherun

I just vomit words to make my head lighter.

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