I always been a romantic. Always. Always dreamed about the fucking happy ending, about things going well. But I always been wrong.
My ex emailed me about my stuff still at his house (even if 2 months ago I asked him to give it all to charity) and then he started about him never cheating on me and bla bla bla. A friend told me today she found out at work he was with someone and then with another. Fucking cheating bastard. So yeah. I done it. I vomit all over him all the fucking things I had in my head. All of it. There was more fucks than words.
I just want apathy. I want to be able to sleep at night and don’t give a fuck about anyone.
I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
Well guys, I was at really boring birthday party last night and all I could do was looking outside the window. I literally had nobody to talk to. Anyway I saw a face i new outside the next door pub. He was one of his friends. I could feel warm inside, that was hope. I saw his car passing by, then again looking for a parking. I joined the smokers outside and waited. I could recognise his way of walking anywhere. I saw him in the distance and waited. He got there and started scanning the crowd, saw me and mouthed a “Hello”. I smiled back. He went inside. His face was pale, looked like shit. Big eye bags. Dressed in total black.
My friend said to me last week “You want to see him cause you feel better and want to show off, show him you don’t need him”. She was wrong. I wanted to see him cause I miss him, cause even if I hate all the situation I’m sad to see him looking like shit cause his new gf moved abroad. Cause again, for the hundred million times, he comes before me. Wrong, I know.
You are in the DNA between the molecules
The more Valentine’s Day approaches the more I feel weird. It’s not because of the thought of love and bla bla bla, it’s because that was the night we got together. It’s so weird. I would love to say I never think about him, I would love that it was real. But no. I do. I do miss him every fucking day. I haven’t seen him in over a month.
I got a new haircut and I finally found a job. Life is getting better but there is still something missing.
God. I need sex. I need physical contact. I need someone that fucks my brain. How much I miss that. That’s the best warm up.
Oh yeah. I met my ex BFF. It was lovely. We said “Hi” without even looking at each other’s face. Wonderful. #sarcasticmuch