My memories are fading away. I went to get some agopuncture done on Saturday, I was there alone in silence with some relaxing music and all I could think of was nothing. I couldn’t even remember his face. I was sad and crying without knowing even how did he look like. I know it’s good. That my head is doing something to getting me back on truck but it’s still damn hard.
I got my hair done and put on a nice black see- through blouse and a skirt with really high hills. I went to the usual bar where we go and met my friends, I was in the mood for a g&t. At my third sip he and his girlfriend appeared. It was like a cold shower. I managed to slightly move and give them my back. I couldn’t look at that. Not again. Not for the third fucking time. I wanted to be the one that makes him happy. Their friends (once mine too) eventually appeared. Only one of them still treats me the same way. He came and gave me a big bear hug. And while I turned he looked at me. Did he see what he left? Did he realised how empty I feel? Apathy. Mixed with only a few drops of sadness. I’m a mess. I still had to pretend it’s all good, my friend knew I was lying. He gave me a sorry look when I told him everything was great. I don’t have nothing left.