Hurry up, we’re dreaming


Allko I think about when this song starts is Nick & Jess. I can just picture that scene of realising that they are meant to be together and that’s it. I have this song in my running playlist. My head is not working lately.

Sunday morning I woke up, open Instagram and the first thing that popped up was a picture of him with his new girlfriend, hugging in a vineyard. I could feel the little bit of hope leaving my body. I’m empty. That’s all I can say. I cry and I don’t feel anything. No light at the end of the tunnel. Just emptiness inside and outside. No smile. No concertration. Nothing. I just don’t feel nothing. Why? I wanted to be there. I wanted to be the one hugging him. I wanted to taste the wine and then sleep together. But I was alone in my room crying my eyes out. 

I never feel and I will never feel love again. Other people don’t understand. I might be able to accept someone else, to get comfortable, but it would never be the same. 

I haven’t been answering to my friend, or the one that was so. I hoped he would have read here, that would have get it all but he didn’t. Someone told me that’s what he does, get close to someone and then leave them. I wouldn’t believe it. I have no love and I lost one of the people I trusted. I just needed him to stand up for me and by my side. I just needed to hear that I would have been better. 

Bella with no hope. 

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Love is a Dog from Hell. 

I haven’t seen him in almost two months. And the last time I done my best to not even look in his direction. Time passes and I still feel emptiness and apathy. I wake up, work, talk, go out and nothing. I’m lucky that I have amazing friends. 
Today sitting by the lake my friend told me she heard last night he will be moving down under with his new girlfriend. I knew that was gonna happen. I still wasn’t ready for it. I have just a few spare tears and lots of sadness. I had a hope inside me that he will eventually come back and now I just see it disappear. I don’t even feel heartbroken, I don’t feel a heart at all. 

I just want to wake up to one of his text asking how I am, go back in time to a happy day. I just want him to give me a chance, move down under, to China, to fucking Siberia. Anywhere. 

He went to Japan with my best friend also his. Well at least that’s who I thought he was. But at the end he just preferred to be his best friend. I hoped he would stand by me, that he would have said a word. I was wrong. I’m always wrong. 

B.