I heard that when nothing goes right goes left. I’m not so sure. 

I feel sick to the bones. 

I sent a message to the last guy I’ve been with. I just needed to get some stuff out of my system. I told him I was sorry for how I acted, but I was scared of him and also of what he was feeling. That the words he said to me, I said before to someone else and I didn’t want to hurt him like I’ve been. He didn’t reply and stopped wave at me when we meet in the morning in the traffic. I meet him in the street last night and he didn’t even look at me. I just keep getting broken up. Why me? Why always me? Too bad I was tipsy. I messaged him. He text me back today saying I treated him like crap, that I should think about it and that he got a new girlfriend now. Has been just over three weeks. He told me he was falling in love with me, he said he had better moments with me in few months that in 9 years of relationships. I feel so cold. 

But that’s not all. 

My BFF is back. We haven’t seen each other in few months, been talking about meeting up for ages. So I was really excited just to get a hug. I finished work, showered and went for a walk. He was out with the other one and didn’t want to see me. I do get it’s an awkward position, but I’m almost 30 and polite. I would have just say hi. He knows the other girl he is shagging just now. I said to not make friends too much. I wouldn’t have stand the idea of my best friend approving her more than me. But it’s pretty clear that things are just not the way I wished they should be. 

I hate life tonight.