Happy you’re gone 

This melody will fade away and die..

Just for today, breath me and say goodbye 



I had sex last night. Empty, soulless sex. 

I don’t know why I done it, it just kind of happen. I meet this guy a few months ago and he was a charmer. Didn’t see him until a few weeks ago, I was drunk and talked some nonsense to his friend about sex with no attachment. He had me on Fb and started message me, we chit chat a little but nothing serious. He started ask me out and I kept finding excuses. Until last night, I felt alone and bored and sad. I needed a distraction. 

He showed up, taller than me, dark hair and eyes with a growing beard with a box of strawberries and a bottle of red. 

We started chatting and found out we have many things in common, many people we know and that we even had the same teacher and that one of my biggest teenager crush is his best friend. We talked about love, work and future. Then he asked me about my boyfriend, if he knew about me being there with him. I told him no and that I was not planning to tell him. And then he kissed me, slowly. I didn’t feel any butterflies, I didn’t feel warm between my legs. I didn’t feel anything. I don’t know why I accepted to keep going and moved to my room. I was just in need of someone to take care of me. We played around and then he was in me. Nothing special, I kept my eyes closed the all time. I was dreaming of him being someone else, but he wasn’t. I could feel it. Nothing was the same. I’m not on birth control and I told him a few times, he still forgot. This morning I went to get a day after pill. Almost thirty and was my first time being so stupid with someone I don’t even know the last name. Great. 

I miss him so much, this stupid nonsense sex just reminded me how much I need him, how much I want to feel his lips on mine and his hands on me. Why I can’t? Why? 

B. 

Why do I miss you? 

Why am I feeling like this? Why can’t I just stop thinking? I just want to sleep more than 20 minutes at the time. 
Friday. 

I got to the bar, sitting, having a drink with the girls, I felt a shadow behind him and just looked at the back of his head. 

Saturday. 

I got in the bar, he went outside, got my drink went outside and he got back in, I got in and he went out again. 

Sunday. 

I was standing at the bar with my friends and he just looked at me with sufficiency. I had to fight the tears from coming down. I got home and I texted him, to please pass by. I just needed to know he was alright and was feeling better but he got back to me saying he was going home. Lies. Always lies. He last accessed WA at 3 am. He was out banging someone else. I know it. I could feel it. I hate life. So I blocked him everywhere and then texted him. I told him I was in bed hating myself while he was outside happily shagging. I thought I had no more tears but I was wrong. That the only thing that matter to me was his happiness. 

He’ll never get it. He could have take anything from me. I just wanted him to be happy. I wanted to make him happy. I hate life. 

B.