
I’m looking for answers, but lost in my head
Now I reach into darkness and take what I get..
āI donāt get why anyone should be embarrassedā – thatās a message he sent me.
Sorry, I just donāt get how should I act now.
I told you how I was feeling, you told me you are seeing someone, that you donāt like me and should I still act like itās all good?
On Thursday night I couldnāt sleep at all. I had an interview on Friday morning with a brain that wasnāt functioning. I was really sad and than luckily for me apathy kicked in.
I spent the last months believing that your life was really hell. Accepting that and just waiting for you to find the time to get back to me. I saw you few weeks ago, so pale and tired and really thought it was all true. Now I donāt know if I believe that, maybe you were just back from a wild night.
I was talking to my brother and all he said to me was that when someone wants to talk to you, they pick up their phone. That there is no way on earth that in 24h you couldnāt find 2 min even sitting on a toilet to get back to me. He told me I was just accepting your game and that was something pretty immature cause there is nothing wrong in being honest.
I have plenty of guy friends. I love them. I talk with them about all kind of things. Iām happy when they meet someone they like. I donāt sleep with them and I donāt feel like I want to be their someone, Iām there for them when they need me but I donāt want to be the one their support for even the little things. I donāt think of how nice would be to wake up beside them or what a good team we could be together. I honestly canāt be more clear than this and trust me this is already costing me a lot. So Iām sorry. I donāt want to be your friend but I wish you all the best.
B.
Ps the other interview went well. Iām going to London for the second one next week.