Days like this

When it’s not always raining there’ll be days like this
When there’s no one complaining there’ll be days like this
When everything falls into place like the flick of a switch
Well my mama told me there’ll be days like this

When someone says Paris is a romantic city is just because he or she never experienced a break in London with the right person.

I went today for a day trip. I don’t live too far from there, I had family over from Us and they wanted to see another capital. So we went for it. I texted C. telling him I was coming to the city. I didn’t have many hopes tbh to see him, has he didn’t text me back in 5 days, last week and I was really worried it was all over. Believe it or not he showed up. We spent an hour together having some coffee. Nothing happened, we even didn’t kiss but he is not for public affection, so I’m not really that surprised about it. We just hug. And was nice. Was home. We talked about the usual things. It felt like I never left. We didn’t touch any real argument. I think from that point of view we are really similar. I can’t explain how I feel unless I’m writing it. I can’t wait to see him again. I miss him already so much.

B.

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Budapest

Give me one good reason.

My heart was aching. I woke up at 5:30 and literally my heart was aching. I could feel it beating really fast. I couldn’t breathe. I was crying.

I dreamt I went to his house and there was full of people from his work and he wouldn’t talk to me. He didn’t say a word and I just left.

I feel so empty. I see only grey. I miss talking to him so much. I want to tickle his face and kiss those lips again. I want to look into his beautiful almond eyes and feel his muscled body against my back. And I won’t get anything.

I’ve been left on read for the last three days. Guess the answer is really clear.

I had so much love to give.

B.

Us

So tell me how to be in this world
Tell me how to breathe in and feel no hurt
Tell me how ’cause I believe in something
I believe in us

I thought there was something. I liked you, I just wanted to know you better and see. Well I hoped you wanted to know me better too, but it’s unbelievable how always wrong I am.

I liked your sense of humour and how sarcastic you are, you are so charismatic is mesmerising. I felt home with you as I haven’t felt in so long time. I liked to tickle your face because was just so beautiful I needed to have a good memory of it.

I was really hoping it wouldn’t have ended after I was back home and I mean even those daily 5 minutes of messages, but they started been less and less and I’ve been trying to see you but with no results. Guess it’s really self explanatory, but I don’t want to follow a ghost. I need someone that likes me as I am. I just wish I was wrong. I’ll really really really miss you.

B.

Love is a losing game

Love is a losing game,

One I wished, I never played..

Well guys, as expected I got a big fat fucking no. Also that the idea was crazy just for a few hours.

If someone I liked would have said to me I take a plane just to see you for lunch, I would have thought was a nice gesture. So the conclusion here is that he doesn’t like me.

I’m really sad and disappointed. This is just an appeal to all the people out there: if you don’t care don’t make someone feel special. There is no need for Michelin stars meals, homemade breakfast, walks by the river and in the park, lots of sex with cuddles afterwards. There is no fucking need. Because you are the fucking crazy ones. Bunch of douchebags. If you don’t care don’t go the extra mile. I’m so tired of life.

B.

Something Stupid

Just a line to you
For me it’s true
And never seemed
So right before

Last week he sent me a picture “In case you forgot how does it look over here”.

I just want to be there. I want to take the first plane and being able to hug him. I would like to wake up tomorrow morning cuddled up on his side.

But as usual things are not meant to go my way ever. Yesterday I asked him to meet up for lunch on the 29th, I really want to see him and I really need to escape from home. Well.. he even hasn’t open my message. He hasn’t text me since Monday. So I guess the message it’s actually loud and clear. I really needed it. My youngest brother has cancer and the other day we found out it speeded in the other leg. It’s scary. It’s worrying. I’m snappy and nervous. I was te thinking about moving and travelling again, but how can I leave my family again? Will he be here next xmas? Who knows.

I feel like I’m throwing my life away. I feel like I’m in stand by. I’m broken and I don’t even know where to start from. Well, actually I thought I had something nice to start from but guess it wasn’t the case. Sometimes I just feel like Charlie Brown.

B.

Real for you

But I can’t shake the feeling off my mind
That you want more, you want more..

Life goes on and has been almost a month since I saw him.

My break away has been amazing. We ate and drink and had sex several times a day. Yes SEVERAL. It was the best time of my life.

He has a beautiful soul, he’s kind and so so so cleaver.

I haven’t been so happy in so long.

I miss him so much.

B.

We are exactly in the same place as we were before.

Your song

Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
It’s yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen

The other day we watched the new John Lewis add.

I can feel it happening again. I can feel my heart slowly breaking in a thousand pieces.

I really liked him. Honestly, I have know idea how this all nonsense happened and all I know is that I really want to be with him. I want to wake up looking at his beautiful face for the rest of my life. And that is mental. I’m the one that rather sleep alone. But you know when you just feel you find peace? That’s how I felt. I like him so much. I hope I wasn’t just a few nights stand. I miss him and I’m so scared.

B.